Disneyland Diary Entries

24.10.2013
On the train right now and I'm on my way to Paris.
Was just told by another man to keep the music down on my IPod.
I felt a swift rush of anger go through me. That's the second time someone's told me that my IPod earphones were too loud. Was reminded of that prick in the NY metropolitan museum who told me firmly to delete a picture of him cleaning a trumpet in the music section. I was almost in tears. I mean, what the hell is he doing working in a popular museum in the daytime if doesn't want his picture taken?
Last night, before I went to bed, I was super excited to watch the TLC biopic that premiered on VH1, but 30. minutes into the movie, I fell disappointed and angry, not because  the movie wasn't good, but because it WAS good, but they censored all the swear words. What.The.Fuck?
Why? I would like to know why are they censoring the good work that these actresses are putting into their roles by undermining their anger and sadness with bleeped out swear words. I'm pretty sure they cut out a few other scenes too in order to keep it "family friendly". Bullshit! You simply cannot censor a journey that one goes through in life. You can't just skip one part and go directly to another, it doesn't work like that.
Got to Marne La Valée and to the hotel in one piece and everything went according to plan. My back is aching though when I sit down. I have a feeling it's because of the tight clothing. Shit. This place isn't exactly renowned for its food.
Went on the ride with the quickest queue, Armageddon, followed by the longest queue, Crush's Coaster, which is more than 65 minutes long. Ugh. I'm outside and the line isn't even moving that fast. But it was a great ride, so it was worth it.
Ive outlined the rides I absolutely want to do - which is Pinocchio's voyage, which is something I've never done before, eat at the Blue Lagoon go back to the rainforest cafe and Indiana jones the temple of doom. And big thunder mountain that I didn't get to do last time, because of construction. I think someone got hurt on one of the rocks

After Crush's coaster, all I wanted to do was go on the Aerosmith ride, but it had closed. Are there some kind of limited hours that I didn't know about. It's 4:22 and I'm not ready to go back to the hotel. Maybe I'll do some shopping after I've finished this too-hot-to-handle coffee.

I did manage to get on the Aerosmith ride but it was slightly disappointing. The roller coaster was there but the music was missing from the last time I went on it. And instead of the feeling of being high, I was met with a pain in my uterus. It never happened before.
After that I went to the Planet Hollywood restaurant, and it was at this moment that I felt alone and was in need of company.
I don't feel like the same person I was 2 years ago when I last came. I'm more mature but always still so sour.
I think I may have made a terrible mistake in not bringing my laptop or my DS3d. I didn't think I would need it given that the last time I didn't have any of them. But at night, I get bored and I want something to do besides watching stupid dubbed French TV.
Tomorrow I'll do some more shopping and I'll get myself some tracky bottoms.

25.10.2013
I woke up and got down to breakfast early I so I didn't have to get in line. But there was one already, however, it went very fast and there were no more queues. The food was surprisingly nice and unlike the last time I went into Santa Fe, waiters picked up the trays and the tables were clean.
Last night I got embarrassed as I was standing completely naked in front of a window, with a man standing outside. Yikes!
I like being naked, but only on my own, or with a lover (I really want one!)
When I go for a sleepover at my friends house, I'm the only one who doesn't put any pyjamas on and I just go to sleep in my underwear. Not because I want to, but because I don't bring my pajamas.
Once saw a girl in school at a spa getting into the Jacuzzi, and upon coming out, her bikini top came right off. First her right and then her left breast drooped down and she didn't even notice it. Both tits hanging out and notices nothing. I quickly let her know, and she covered them up casually.

I finally went to eat at the Blue Lagoon, and I have to say, it was worth it.. Delicious food and a lovely decor, it was fantastic.
I then went on Space Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pinocchio's Voyage Big Thunder Mountain and Indiana Jones The Temple Of Doom. The latter was disappointing. At least with Big Thunder Mountain and Space Mountain, they had themes to it, miner and space, but the temple of doom had nothing apart from the fact that it was outside

Getting a bit sick and tired of waiting all the time. Eating alone is no fun, and people treat you as an inferior if you're only one at the table. But here most of the waiters are very nice.
Tomorrow I will go back to space mountain and see if I have a good photo of myself. Then back to the studios.
As for getting to the party tomorrow night in Lausanne, I have to get back home, get my gear on, get some money out, get to Cornavin, get a train to Lausanne and get to the party. That's exhausting. I'm hoping to get some sleep on the train.

26.10.2013

I'm in Annette's Diner waiting for an all American meal. I've been on Space Mountain again, and even though I was the the only one who looked calm, I didn't take the picture.
I definitely think three days is just enough for me, I don't think Ill be going back for a while now. It's just that dream I keep having of going back, on the other side of the lake - dreamland.

Now what I'm looking forward to is going home to see my friends - at a Lesbo party. Lol
I've started watching the L Word again, and I'm telling you right now, it's the most influential lesbian show ever. I certainly know what character I am: Carmen. Beautiful, feminine, tattooed, music loving Latina bombshell. I'm going to ask the girls which L word they consider themselves.
I finished my trip in the Disney Studios on a Toy Story parachute drop and on the Studio Tram Tour, just to see Jeremy Irons.
I went back to the hotel and got my bag back and headed towards the station.
All in all it was a good time, but's better when you're younger. The more extreme rides were great.

My Attraction To The Female Body

I've always been attracted to girls, even though sex never crossed my mind when I was younger. I always imagined girls would come running to me, being my friend and enjoying my company, like any other prepubescent girl would want. But the truth is, relationships are complicated for me.

I've had sex with three boys. One felt like an obligation, in order to have some experience in sex to lose my virginity. It was so awkward, as sometimes, he kissed me making his cheeks bubble in and out, like a fish. My naivety and his adolescent sleaziness ultimately led to an unexpected pregnancy and abortion, caused by a broken condom. Now scared of sex, I stayed away from it. Another one was a sweet fellow who was shaking while taking off my clothes and wanted to "make love to every part of my body". But while he was performing cunnilingus, I faked my sounds, trying to think of something arousing. I thought of a stripper dancing in a sexy manner on a pole. He wasn't able to get it up as he was nervous and I refused to give him a blow job. While we danced in the clubs, I was always looking at the girls instead of him or other guys.

The third one I liked a little better. He was Welsh and had a way of talking that pleased me, such as "When was the last time you cried?" It was enjoyable. 

I did really like him; he was kind, fun and outspoken. He was a chef working for a very rich Jewish family in Geneva. He told me to stop being depressed over little things such as the weather and heavier things like my friends abandoning me. I had the best time with him while I was out. We went back to his place, which was in the country side surrounded by luxurious homes, including one house in which his boss had purchased solely for house parties. It was paradise. 

When the sex started, the condoms were used and he didn't come inside me, I'd never let him anyway, and I enjoyed pleasuring him and vice versa. But for me, it the sex was awkward. I couldn't get pleasure for myself, even though I liked this man, I wasn't wet. It was so strange. I stepped out a few times to go to the bathroom and to try and get aroused, all the while thinking of women. When I decided to give him a blow job, I decided I would not swallow,  as I found it disgusting.

The next day, my face was scratched by his beard, like he had a sandpaper chin.
It wasn't meant to be between him and I. His boredom of Geneva increased and his work was taking a toll on him. He didn't contact me over Christmas and decided we should break up. He kept on telling me to leave my friends who were ignoring me alone, as they were not worth a damn. And he was right.
While we were dating, I went to lesbian parties to find some girls.Then a few months after the break up, I went on a trip with some lesbian friends of mine to Zurich to go clubbing. My intentions was to get a girl to sleep with me. The was a massive failure with one who spoke only Spanish, and with my limited language, attempted to talk to her. When I went to the bar, a man came up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. When I said yes, he said he was gay and that the girl I was talking to was straight and waiting for her boyfriend, and then told me to back off. What would a straight couple be doing in gay bar? Just staying with their gay friend?
As the night progressed, I finally hooked up with a girl who was interested in me. She had piercings in her mouth and it definitely increased the pleasure when I kissed her. The woman who organised the outing said I should take her back to my hotel. And I did.
For the first time, I had sex with a girl. And for the first time, I got wet. It was just what I needed.
But for some strange reason, the girl didn't want to be touched. She was one of those "I touch you but you don't touch me." kind of gals. She had floppy stomach and body, which was like touching dough. Unlike mine, which is full of hard fat and cellulite. I was on top of her and I rode her, it was exquisite. She didn't speak much English, but we got on really well. It turned out she had a friend of hers who drove around celebrities and she got to meet several of them in person! They included Anastacia, Angie and Brad and Avril Lavigne, my idol.

The girl left later to go to a family gathering in the daytime. I was also brutally rejected by the woman who organised the trip and banished me from her apartment when I arrived there, out of jealousy.

After that, everything made sense. Sex with girls are what suited me better. I don't call myself a lesbian, but simply a woman who likes women. I've had emotional attachments to men, but I know that the sexual part of it wouldn't be for me, as I like women's bodies too much. And if I did get into a relationship with a man, the sex would not satisfy.  I would always have that urge, the lust for a woman's body and the caress of hers on mine. If I got into a relationship with a man, I would cheat on him all the time with girls. I decided it was better to just date girls.

I tend to be attracted to boyish looking girls, as the androgyny is so fascinating and beautiful. Some people say to me: What is the point of going for a boyish girl when you can just get a man, and he has the whole package? Well it's not exactly the same thing now is it? They may look like boys but when you take off their clothes, they're not exactly identical twins.

Girls are hellishly complicated, however. I tend to be more aroused when it's a girl that I really really like. But the boyish girls just simply don't go for me and it's a shame. So I believe Im not worthy and get desperate and go for who ever is attracted to me and move too fast, which is not a good way to start a relationship.

It pains me to hear people talk so negatively and often violently of gay and lesbian people. We tell the truth about ourselves and we are just being ourselves and we want to be free to live our own lives? Is that so terrible and wrong?

Why do people hate something so beautiful such as love or attraction, with such power, that they want to kill that person and destroy them?